The Real Beginning...

I am a wee bit sick. I have been fighting off "the sniffles" for a few days now, which is partially my fault, and partially Joseph's fault. Afterall, he was sick, and I was the one provoking him to physical contact, so we both played a roll in my aquiring my condition.

I continue to blow my nose and cough repeatedly, worse than the days before. I sincerely hope I regain my health by 7:00am tomorrow, when I have to wake to go to work from 9:00am - 2:00pm. Elseways, that could be less enjoyable than it already is.

I have been thinking a lot lately about where I am supposed to be, what I am supposed to be doing. I am a girl in need of change. Sometimes I simply feel that way, and that is the human in me. I like my scene to change often; a fast-paced change, with relatively easy-going effect. That is generally who I am, what I desire. However, God usually has a different way of seeing things, and I long for the day when my desires are in alignment with His. The completion of that will only come at the close of my visit here on earth, but until then, I must be selfless: continually giving all that I am in submission to my Heavenly Father, the Living God, and Yeshua, Jesus Christ, who is a part of Him. Lord, I beg of you, help me know Your ways, and help me acknowledge and turn from my insufficiency. You complete me, furthermore, You are who I want to mirror.

In all of my questioning, and in all of my decision making, this still lingers with me. I would like nothing less than to see and hear what He wants concerning my job, my schooling, my church, my relationship with my father, and my music. All of these things bring questions to the surface. I don't know exactly where to turn. I know I could go ahead and make my own decisions, but I know that would merely enhance the incompetence in me that lurks about. Amplifying nothing more than me, and that is not what I am after.

So, where to? Do I keep my job simply because I am afraid of my father's reaction to not having one? Absolutely not. Do I have another job or my small photography business (that I have ever drempt of) in line and ready to go, simply because I am afraid of my father's reaction to not having a job? Decidedly not. Do I stay at my church with the weight of discomfort on my shoulders as long as I can? Decidedly debatable. I am just waiting for God's go, and it is tempting to go ahead and move on, as I seem to want the future more than the present, sometimes. Sometimes all I want is to move to Nashville, or moreover, to London, get married, start a few businesses, maybe a coffee shop, and live in an apartment in the city. Then maybe throw in a few more guitars, more ambition and desire to learn that bloody instrument, and a dog, and you've got my escape plan. Maybe some of those things are the plan for me in the future, and maybe they are not, but I know I must look to God alone, and not to my outlet, or my escape, or to my future.

I know all of this, it is only a matter of believing it.

I leave you with this...

Christ is lifechanging, it is only a matter of letting him change your life.

Good Day & Good Tidings To You,
With Sincerity,
Rachel Kennedy.