Since 2006 began, my life has mostly sucked. In the beginning I moved to Florida. Thus, moving away from the man I am in love with. Ever since then, and even a little before then, I have been on a constant struggle–––a constant path toward or from something. I can't decide which. Until recently, I haven't known what any of it meant. For a while I just thought I was going crazy. I've never really had a time in my life that was depressing. Not until this year. It's been a bit of an emotional roller coaster. And recently I realized...
All of this has been for one thing, and one thing alone. I have struggled through many important questions, and high amounts of doubt, all for this: to know God.
I realized recently that growing up in a western Christian culture, I didn't get a lot of important questions answered. It turned out that I had questions I never knew I had. And taking the time to stop and sort them out had nothing to do with me. God was gracious enough to sort them out for me. He is just that good.
What I mean is that, growing up, you don't go to church and find answers to questions like, Why do I exist? Why do I cry myself to sleep every few months, and don't know why? Why do I feel love and pain? You go to church and instead, you hear sermons intitled Three Godly Prayer Principles, Six Ways to Have a Godly Marriage, or How to Increase Your Knowledge of God. You hear people fighting over theology, arguing about whether someone should be teaching that class, or you find yourself in a business meeting where you learn that the ten commities involved with this have changed that and are raising money for a new welcome sign.
It turns out that when you grow up in a world that only teaches you how to do things, then you miss out on the deep, authentic love relationship, and maybe even more than you realize.
I've come to really understand the meaning of wrestling with the questions. God could reveal things to us at any time, but we have to want them before thay can be there. I have been finding this out for twelve months. I'm not done.
To wrestle with something, instead of finding a quick way out (like what we're used to), brings a certain depth in understanding that simply using five steps to solve it could never do. To go to the root of an issue, or to wrestle for an answer to the ultimate question, means something more. It means that embarking on a true search is necessary. It means that you have to deny the easy answers, and struggle through the hard ones until the toothpick comes out clean.
Almost all of this year I have been in doubt. I thought it was my own doubt; new doubt. New doubt that I somehow aquired in my disbelief of God. I've come to find out that they were questions that were there all along, and never got answered, because a dysfunctional group of people, who call themselves Christians, didn't know the answers either. I realized that all of this doubt and pain came from a place inside of me that I thought was nonexistant, and that God was mercifully pulling it all out of me, so that I could see what He wanted me to see.
This is something I could never do on my own. Nor is it something anyone could ever do without God's revelation of the reality.
You see, I am slowly realizing something about love. I have been looking up from the bottom of this ladder. This ladder is all of Christianity. This ladder is what I have climbed my whole life. It is everything–––good, bad, ugly, lovely. This ladder is my life, and the life of everyone else who claims Christianity–––religious or relational. I have been looking up from the bottom of this ladder and seeing things that I couldn't see while I was on it. I see things that I would have never seen if God had never plopped me here, at the bottom, to look at the whole picture.
I feel like He is telling me that none of this matters. By none of this, I mean, the do. It's like I have said before, I am not a human doing, I am a human being. I am slowly realizing that I am nothing, and that everyone is nothing, and that is totally okay. Believe it or not, it's okay with God too. He knew what He was creating when He created it. For some reason we think He didn't know what He was getting into. I don't know why we think that.
The bottom line for me right now is that, Jesus came to this earth, right? He came to this earth and He said, "Marry Me!" I said, "Yes." He said, "Okay, now your name changed. You didn't really change, but your name did, so it doesn't matter what you do, you've got my name for good. It's important that you try, but the most important thing is that you realize how much I love you, and how you don't actually have to do anything to pay me back. You can't anyway." And I said, "But God, your people are telling me I have to do these ten things to be a good Christian. They're telling me I have to go to church every time the doors are open. They're telling me that if I listen to certain kinds of music, that you won't love me anymore, and that if I don't constantly try to 'do' for you, then you will be displeased, and I will need to confess over and over because my name isn't actually changed for good." And he said, "Oh gosh, what? I never said that!"
What I am saying is that God changed my name and that was the end. Does morality matter? Yes. Does theology matter? Yes. But have you noticed how many souls theology debates have won to the Lord lately? Yes, i've noticed that too. Not many. When we focus foremost on how to live, we then appear like any other religious system. And we wonder why people don't understand! Go survey your neighbors and see what they think of the church. Get into reality, talk to people other than Christians. You'll see that the church is a little caught up in itself sometimes, and that the person of Jesus didn't have that in mind. Jesus loves me. I love Him. I believe that if I am truely in awe of His being, and if I really accept is love, the rest will eventually fall into place. It is, after all, out of His grace and love that I am here with this insight today. He had me wrestle with reality. He had me face my fears, my doubts, and my worries, which by the way, are never going to totally go away. I am too finite. But, He had me see that He is it. He is all. He is for me, not against me. And He changed my name for good at the cross.
There is an enormous difference between scriptural Christiantiy and other religions. That difference is the relational aspect. We damage so much when we sell the gospel like and intellectual club to join, because people miss the point and see it as just another belief system to choose from. We know this is not the truth, but I can certainly understand why it is viewed that way. I do hate what the church has become, but more than anything my heart aches inside of me for it to be made right, for people to know the Jesus I know, and especially those who feel utterly hopeless inside. I can't explain the passion I feel, but I really love people. I want them to find happiness and meaning, and I want them to know true authentic relationship. If anyone has questions, please ask me, I am up for answering them.
Here is scriptural Christianity in a nutshell...
Jesus came to this earth and said, "You're broken. I'm not broken. Marry me and I'll give you my last name––my identity. We can share that identity, and we can be in love, and life will not be perfect, but it had to be this way. My Father wanted to give you and everyone else choices in life. He didn't want you to be puppets. He wanted authentic relationship with you that you chose. This is free."
That is the bottom line. And that is all I have to say at this time.
Thanks for listening.
Sincerely,
Rachel A. Kennedy
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Him.
Sorry, but I am not going to follow up on the former entry. There is no part two. I'm out of my groove. It's over.
I have off and on considered leaving Xanga all together. I don't enjoy posting on it very much anymore, and I don't really appreciate a certain circle of friends that I have unfortunately gained there. I can't seem to really say how I feel, and I also seem to be easily angered at them.
I honestly people would just stop, sit down, and let God reveal more to them. I am so sick of church. I am so sick of Christian culture. All we care about is the sin of others instead of the hearts and well-being of the people. It makes me sick to my stomach and my heart aches within me for a change. I don't seem to know what to do with the way I feel, because there is no quick answer, like I have been bred by America to want. I hate that. I hate it.
It comes down to this, guys: no one on the planet actually has a clue what they're doing.
Sometimes we think we do, don't we. And sometimes we'll tell others about what we "know" or "what God taught me," and who knows, ten years down the road, we'll look back and realize it was very blind and ignorant. While in other areas, we will never realize that we've been wrong all along, and go on in our confidence telling people about what we think is the knowledge of God.
Let's face it, we can sing to God, we can feel His presence, and we can genuinely want to do things for Him, but when it comes to sitting silent for ten minutes in awe of Him (which, by the way, has nothing to do with doing anything), we end up thinking about other things, or some kind of sin, and can't come to be with Him quietly, without an agenda, or without a distraction.
I feel like my only purpose in life right now is to know Him. And no matter what I say about Him, I somehow get hammered for it by other Christians. Lately though, I can hardly blame them, because I am so often reminding myself about how none of us have a clue, and just to let it go. But I feel like my only agenda right now is to be in awe of Him. I want to be able to be in total awe of the poetry of His being, of sunsets, of creation. I want not religion, but Him. I want not unrealistic optimism, but trueness and authenticity. I want reality. I want God. I want relationship. I need it. I need it more than anything, and I only wish that others would understand their need for it too. I wish the sales pitches would stop. I wish the commercialized gospel would stop. I wish the religious would stop telling me I am wrong, and finally see what Jesus saw...people.
I guess I just wish that we did have a clue, but I am simultaneously fine and content with not. I feel like that is a reality I have found---the reality of me, of us. It is understanding that I am not much of anything, and though that seems like an elementary concept, it's not---it's not at all. It only seems that way because of over-used terms, and also because I can't seem to think of any other way to say it. But it's not elementary at all, and I would also go as far to say that none of us really understand it. We may understand a little piece for a little while, but it's a revelation, and that is the only way I have ever truely understood that little piece. And I am so finite that when I get it, I can't even keep it. I have to regain it over and over.
I just love God, and I love truth, but I can't see religious rules as part of that. My God is so freeing---my Jesus is so loving---the reality I am beginning to understand is not western, and if we were not here in America, I wonder if we would get it---if we would understand it better. But I don't know. People all over the world are screwed up, but that's okay, it happens. It can't really not happen. Anyway.
I'm just tired.
Whenever I look for God in religion, I can't seem to find Him.
I just want to look for Him now. That is all I want.
Blessings to you in your life.
Sincerely,
Rachel
I have off and on considered leaving Xanga all together. I don't enjoy posting on it very much anymore, and I don't really appreciate a certain circle of friends that I have unfortunately gained there. I can't seem to really say how I feel, and I also seem to be easily angered at them.
I honestly people would just stop, sit down, and let God reveal more to them. I am so sick of church. I am so sick of Christian culture. All we care about is the sin of others instead of the hearts and well-being of the people. It makes me sick to my stomach and my heart aches within me for a change. I don't seem to know what to do with the way I feel, because there is no quick answer, like I have been bred by America to want. I hate that. I hate it.
It comes down to this, guys: no one on the planet actually has a clue what they're doing.
Sometimes we think we do, don't we. And sometimes we'll tell others about what we "know" or "what God taught me," and who knows, ten years down the road, we'll look back and realize it was very blind and ignorant. While in other areas, we will never realize that we've been wrong all along, and go on in our confidence telling people about what we think is the knowledge of God.
Let's face it, we can sing to God, we can feel His presence, and we can genuinely want to do things for Him, but when it comes to sitting silent for ten minutes in awe of Him (which, by the way, has nothing to do with doing anything), we end up thinking about other things, or some kind of sin, and can't come to be with Him quietly, without an agenda, or without a distraction.
I feel like my only purpose in life right now is to know Him. And no matter what I say about Him, I somehow get hammered for it by other Christians. Lately though, I can hardly blame them, because I am so often reminding myself about how none of us have a clue, and just to let it go. But I feel like my only agenda right now is to be in awe of Him. I want to be able to be in total awe of the poetry of His being, of sunsets, of creation. I want not religion, but Him. I want not unrealistic optimism, but trueness and authenticity. I want reality. I want God. I want relationship. I need it. I need it more than anything, and I only wish that others would understand their need for it too. I wish the sales pitches would stop. I wish the commercialized gospel would stop. I wish the religious would stop telling me I am wrong, and finally see what Jesus saw...people.
I guess I just wish that we did have a clue, but I am simultaneously fine and content with not. I feel like that is a reality I have found---the reality of me, of us. It is understanding that I am not much of anything, and though that seems like an elementary concept, it's not---it's not at all. It only seems that way because of over-used terms, and also because I can't seem to think of any other way to say it. But it's not elementary at all, and I would also go as far to say that none of us really understand it. We may understand a little piece for a little while, but it's a revelation, and that is the only way I have ever truely understood that little piece. And I am so finite that when I get it, I can't even keep it. I have to regain it over and over.
I just love God, and I love truth, but I can't see religious rules as part of that. My God is so freeing---my Jesus is so loving---the reality I am beginning to understand is not western, and if we were not here in America, I wonder if we would get it---if we would understand it better. But I don't know. People all over the world are screwed up, but that's okay, it happens. It can't really not happen. Anyway.
I'm just tired.
Whenever I look for God in religion, I can't seem to find Him.
I just want to look for Him now. That is all I want.
Blessings to you in your life.
Sincerely,
Rachel
Monday, July 24, 2006
Living and Learning, Pt. I
It has been quite some time since I have posted here–Quite some time. Hardly anyone knows about this blog anyway. This is different than my Xanga. I write silly things there, anything and everything. Here I write more seriously. Here I tell about the things God is doing, am usually totally honest, and try to use good grammar and things like that.
So, what is going on? I am learning so much–almost too much. At times it has felt like I am learning more than anyone else has at once, spiritually. I don't necessarily mean it in a good way, I mean, I have been burdened. I have been in a place where God is cutting me open, taking things out, and sewing me shut, which hurts. All of the pain medicine I've been desiring hasn't really helped, and it doesn't need to. I need to feel. I need to learn what I am learning, and go through what I am going through. There will always be a scar from this incision, but I'll be a more healthy and more stable human being in the end.
The thing is, I have been dealing a lot with root issues that most people never think of. I hope I say that without pride. I cannot guarantee that, but what I mean is that the church is unfortunately uneducated about root issues and causes for our behaviors and actions and feelings. Thank you God for putting me in places to where I can learn these things. So, there have been things like self-defense mechanisms and other issues that I have learned throughout my life so far, and that I am learning to deal with now. Such things have to do with my dad, relationships, keeping myself safe in those relationships. There has been a constant battle to grow closer to God since a few weeks before I moved to Florida. I guess that means I have a big call on my life.
But recently, this started with my jealousy over a girl I hardly know. The darling love of my life, Joseph, used to think he was going to marry this girl (before I knew him, of course), and it came up several weeks ago that she was in town again and they wanted to get together. Obviously, I am in Florida (I guess this journal missed my moving there! I live in Florida now), and he is in North Carolina, and I had also never met the girl at the time. I didn't feel okay about it, but I thought I was being unrealistic. I have guy friends, he has girl friends, and that is okay. But, I was having real trouble with this. A few weeks later, maybe three weeks ago, I drempt that they were hanging out together a lot, leaving me behind. I woke up thinking, What in the world? I have no reason to dislike this girl, but I still don't want them hanging out, and now I have had this dream. God, what is going on? Is this dream from you?
After praying into it some, I felt like God wanted me to look into the different reactions I had in this dream, and the reasons for them. So I began to dig. As I dug, I began to find pieces of information that lead deep into my motives. I noticed in the dream, that when Joseph and this girl were off on their own, I would hang around another guy, kind of looking for attention, say, as a sorce of comfort. This was looking to things other than God for comfort, which eventually boils down to idolatry. I had to confess idolatry. This might seem weird, I know. When you think of idolatry, you think of literal idol worship, or things that are more important to you, like boys or music, but this was more of an idolatrous action. I want comfort in something tangible, for lack of a more clever word, and so far I've found it in what people thought of me (and like things). This wasn't so much sobering, because I knew it was there, but coming to a realization and revelation of the true me is always breathtaking, in a way. I live and I think I am good, and it turns out that the Bible is right when it says I do not know my own heart.
The second thing was that I maintained control of the situation. Basically, I either agreed with people too much to avoid conflict, or I blasted them with knowledgeable sounding words, and could win any argument I got into, which used to be the kind of person I was. I believe that getting rid of these things is a process, and I still have some ways to go, but what I mean is, I really used to be that person. I was good with words and I used them to keep the situation under my control, and it worked. It has been a long, long time since I have gotten in an argument, but those needs for protection are subtly still in me. And this is one of the ways I reacted in the dream to the situation. Avoiding conflict.
There were other things, and I won't go on and on, but I finally concluded that the jealousy is not really the problem. I had this revelation that many people may not understand without God revealing it to them personally, but basically, it is okay to feel. I know that sounds so simple, but really, it is okay to feel. God gave us these emotions, and he gave them to us so that we can know what he is like, while they also allow us to feel what sin is like...which is why any pain exists, anyway. But we have emotions, and they have to go somewhere, and all I have ever done all my life is tuck them inside. I always thought it wasn't okay to feel them. Furthermore, I thought certain things were wrong to feel, so they would get tucked inside, too.
Take fear, for instance. Jesus said, "Do not fear." Listen, I am all for that, but sometimes I fear, and it is not good or righteous that I think I have a reason to fear, but the problem is not the feeling of fear, itself, but the motive behind the fear.
You see, when I am afraid, there is a reason, and the fear is there, in a way, to let me know that there is a reason–that there is something wrong with my thinking. Feeling the fear is a good and healthy thing, and I cannot just push it down, because it is there. I need to deal with what is behind it, however, if the feeling is already there, it is unfortunately not healthy to push it down and say, "That is wrong." Now that it is there, you have to do something with it. Like I said, most of the time I have chosen to keep it inside, but I have recently been learning things that have changed my life.
And this is a good place to end. Haha. I have to go to sleep now, because I must awaken at 7:30 and have a day filled with happiness and schoolwork.
Part II will come soon. Thanks for reading, folks.
Really a North Carolinian,
And With Much Sincerity,
Rachel
So, what is going on? I am learning so much–almost too much. At times it has felt like I am learning more than anyone else has at once, spiritually. I don't necessarily mean it in a good way, I mean, I have been burdened. I have been in a place where God is cutting me open, taking things out, and sewing me shut, which hurts. All of the pain medicine I've been desiring hasn't really helped, and it doesn't need to. I need to feel. I need to learn what I am learning, and go through what I am going through. There will always be a scar from this incision, but I'll be a more healthy and more stable human being in the end.
The thing is, I have been dealing a lot with root issues that most people never think of. I hope I say that without pride. I cannot guarantee that, but what I mean is that the church is unfortunately uneducated about root issues and causes for our behaviors and actions and feelings. Thank you God for putting me in places to where I can learn these things. So, there have been things like self-defense mechanisms and other issues that I have learned throughout my life so far, and that I am learning to deal with now. Such things have to do with my dad, relationships, keeping myself safe in those relationships. There has been a constant battle to grow closer to God since a few weeks before I moved to Florida. I guess that means I have a big call on my life.
But recently, this started with my jealousy over a girl I hardly know. The darling love of my life, Joseph, used to think he was going to marry this girl (before I knew him, of course), and it came up several weeks ago that she was in town again and they wanted to get together. Obviously, I am in Florida (I guess this journal missed my moving there! I live in Florida now), and he is in North Carolina, and I had also never met the girl at the time. I didn't feel okay about it, but I thought I was being unrealistic. I have guy friends, he has girl friends, and that is okay. But, I was having real trouble with this. A few weeks later, maybe three weeks ago, I drempt that they were hanging out together a lot, leaving me behind. I woke up thinking, What in the world? I have no reason to dislike this girl, but I still don't want them hanging out, and now I have had this dream. God, what is going on? Is this dream from you?
After praying into it some, I felt like God wanted me to look into the different reactions I had in this dream, and the reasons for them. So I began to dig. As I dug, I began to find pieces of information that lead deep into my motives. I noticed in the dream, that when Joseph and this girl were off on their own, I would hang around another guy, kind of looking for attention, say, as a sorce of comfort. This was looking to things other than God for comfort, which eventually boils down to idolatry. I had to confess idolatry. This might seem weird, I know. When you think of idolatry, you think of literal idol worship, or things that are more important to you, like boys or music, but this was more of an idolatrous action. I want comfort in something tangible, for lack of a more clever word, and so far I've found it in what people thought of me (and like things). This wasn't so much sobering, because I knew it was there, but coming to a realization and revelation of the true me is always breathtaking, in a way. I live and I think I am good, and it turns out that the Bible is right when it says I do not know my own heart.
The second thing was that I maintained control of the situation. Basically, I either agreed with people too much to avoid conflict, or I blasted them with knowledgeable sounding words, and could win any argument I got into, which used to be the kind of person I was. I believe that getting rid of these things is a process, and I still have some ways to go, but what I mean is, I really used to be that person. I was good with words and I used them to keep the situation under my control, and it worked. It has been a long, long time since I have gotten in an argument, but those needs for protection are subtly still in me. And this is one of the ways I reacted in the dream to the situation. Avoiding conflict.
There were other things, and I won't go on and on, but I finally concluded that the jealousy is not really the problem. I had this revelation that many people may not understand without God revealing it to them personally, but basically, it is okay to feel. I know that sounds so simple, but really, it is okay to feel. God gave us these emotions, and he gave them to us so that we can know what he is like, while they also allow us to feel what sin is like...which is why any pain exists, anyway. But we have emotions, and they have to go somewhere, and all I have ever done all my life is tuck them inside. I always thought it wasn't okay to feel them. Furthermore, I thought certain things were wrong to feel, so they would get tucked inside, too.
Take fear, for instance. Jesus said, "Do not fear." Listen, I am all for that, but sometimes I fear, and it is not good or righteous that I think I have a reason to fear, but the problem is not the feeling of fear, itself, but the motive behind the fear.
You see, when I am afraid, there is a reason, and the fear is there, in a way, to let me know that there is a reason–that there is something wrong with my thinking. Feeling the fear is a good and healthy thing, and I cannot just push it down, because it is there. I need to deal with what is behind it, however, if the feeling is already there, it is unfortunately not healthy to push it down and say, "That is wrong." Now that it is there, you have to do something with it. Like I said, most of the time I have chosen to keep it inside, but I have recently been learning things that have changed my life.
And this is a good place to end. Haha. I have to go to sleep now, because I must awaken at 7:30 and have a day filled with happiness and schoolwork.
Part II will come soon. Thanks for reading, folks.
Really a North Carolinian,
And With Much Sincerity,
Rachel
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Coffee Breath
All kinds of people go to coffee shops for all kinds of reasons. I used to think only the really cool people with the hippie hair congregated there. Then I started going to DeBeen more often and I realized that it is something nearly everyone enjoys, whether they like coffee or not. Maybe all of the middle-aged, divorced mothers and fathers saw all of the young, socially sophisticated artists going and ordering espresso macchiato and thought it might be fun to tag along at a distance. Then again, maybe they were there first and the artists and scene kids came later. Either way, coffee is really big in America, and will be for quite some time. But, sometimes I wonder if Americans really like coffee as much as it is let on. All I seem to hear is, “I need the caffeine,” and that does not mean you like coffee, it means you are addicted to caffeine. But this is over-looked, because we’re a little bit caught up in the trend of coffee drinking, or in the least, the trend of visiting Starbucks on a semi-regular basis to purchase and consume the drinks that contain no coffee.
Now concerning the practices of different social parties, there are but two routes of action than can be taken when a new vogue, such as coffee, comes into play (If you are into this kind of thing). One can either reject the practice, saying, “No, we mustn’t associate ourselves with the fad taken on by this countering social group,” or the more annoying and slightly more characteristic, “Oh boy, let us do this too! But let us change it to fit our stereotype’s distinctions in order to remain diverse in society.” (What?) The latter seems to be more of the attitude when dealing with coffee, although it does come in many forms and fashions. For instance, you have the artists that along with the coffee connoisseur types, tends toward the espresso drinks that are alien to overpowering syrups and sweet flavoring. They most likely have their own personal espresso machines at home that they use after their dinner parties, but they still like to stop by to sit and read their novels. Then you have your southern American school kids that usually either prefer to drink the coffee-less cream drinks, or the weak joe driven by rich fruity syrup. Even still, there are the college-aged activists that will only drink fairly traded, organic, and decaffeinated coffee to please their scene of environmental wholeness and human rights. And there are of course, those who find it trendy and cool to have a long, drawn out, and unique order, such as, “I’d like one tall, double shot, white chocolate mocha, iced, with soymilk, decaf, extra milk froth, with raspberry, butterscotch, and cinnamon syrup topped with whipped cream, please,” ending with a gasp for breath and a look over the shoulder to see which of their friends were paying attention.
I would speculate that most people like coffee just fine, but that when one pays $4.00 for their Grande Soy Latte, they are also paying for the increase of acceptance in today’s culture, where coffee is the thing to drink. All the while, the people they desire to fit in with are doing the exact same thing, because although the enjoyment they get from their specialty coffee drink is real, they still wouldn’t be paying $4.00 every other day if everyone else thought it were stupid.
Is it possible that my words are a little exaggerated and far fetched? I would suppose so. Nonetheless, whether these simple accusations are accurate or not, I would retort the silliness of social performance any day. The fact is, as you may or may not have guessed, coffee has nothing to do with the real issue. We could analyze behaviors all day long, and we would get as far as doing only that. We would get as far as analyzing more behaviors, noting the silliness of them, and scheduling a meeting for the next discussion, and that would not solve anything. (It would, however, be fun to meet for these discussions were they held at coffee shops.)
The real issue is that a very low percentage of people in America have a clue about life. That’s right, I said hardly anyone has a clue about Life, the life of the true and living Messiah. We roam around our houses, workplaces, malls, and coffee shops just living life the best we can, trying to make money, make friends, fit in, and be good people. Even the churchgoers are scheduling their own agendas and dressing to impress. How can this be? Even people seeking Religious help and praying daily can’t make decisions without basing them off of what people will think? Excuse me, but I thought those who claimed Christianity were supposed to be living above these social standards in freedom and acceptance, but the followers of Christ are not living that way. Instead, we are fitting in with the rest of the coffee drinkers and social groups just like everyone else. It seems most people don’t think they have a choice. The thought never really comes to mind that this need of acceptance is something laced with insecurity that can be helped. I think most people believe it is just a part of life that we have to deal with. And that is true. We do have to deal with it, but we do not have to live with it.
The cool thing about Jesus is that he offers total acceptance and forgiveness. Most people reject this completely, others do their best to accept it, and some merely pretend to accept it. No matter which of these boats a man is in, the truth is that you can live in the acceptance that Jesus is offering you instead of just talking about it. No matter what social group you associate yourself with, the reasons you make your decisions, or how much you pay for coffee every week, He still offers it to you.
I once knew a girl that had a horrendous past that she couldn’t ever get over. (This has nothing to do with coffee.) She was very wounded from the way her Mother treated her, and the reality of her Father abandoning her. Years into her painful family venture, her over-worrying Grandparents obtained custody of her. Although she was walking into a much better atmosphere, her Grandmother would unknowingly reopen these wounds with pitying words and the sharing of stories about her past with other people. “Please pray for her,” she pleaded, over and over. She hurt so much for her granddaughter that her granddaughter was even more unable to deal with these wounds and accept Adonai’s love. However, the girl continued attending church and talking the talk, trying to make it seem like nothing ever happened to her, or maybe that she had accepted all of the things Jesus promised us. Other people’s words and actions affected her so, and she has never gotten over it.
Now, I find it appropriate to note that I judge no one for these mistakes, and that I know not your heart or motives. I simply know that these motives exist, though it is usually uncertain where they take residence. This Grandmother would have never wanted to hurt this beautiful child, and I do not believe for a second that she even realized she was doing it, but our mistakes are many times out of ignorance, and out of our own insecurities that we know nothing of. We go places, buy things, and drink things for reasons that we do not know. We think and we believe, and we do not always believe the right thing. Coffee is not the issue, but merely an example. It seems that our long orders, trendy drinks, and sophisticated hangouts aren’t really what they seem. Maybe we should take a second look at why we do what we do, and why we enjoy what we enjoy. It has proven to be worth it time and again.
I would like to note that I am not here to give you a step-by-step guide to ensuring your active belief in the truth of God’s acceptance. Many people try to do that, and there is no point to it, for I cannot instruct you to believe something, but can only present it before you. The idea that you are totally accepted, secure, and loved in Christ Jesus is quite frankly a large idea to grasp. Our identities have become so wound up in the opinions of imperfect humans, that we cannot even begin to function under the law of graceful acceptance without a lot of change. God’s acceptance of you is automatic, but your acceptance of His acceptance is often damaged by the way humans have affected you, what you have believed about those experiences, and really, a whole load of other things as well. It happened to the girl I knew, and it happens to many others. When your identity rests in your insecurities, your identity will be insecure.
When it comes down to placing your identity in the hands of God, there is no condemnation. He wants you to do it. He wants you to come and live freely in Him. Dismiss the thought that you are messing up and stop condemning yourself! God Himself does not expect perfection out of you. If His grace was not sufficient for all of our problems, then you would already be dead and in hell, but it is. His grace is sufficient, His acceptance is complete and pure, and He doesn’t mind your coffee breath. In fact, He very much enjoys your sincere enjoyment of coffee, and your time with friends, whether you are doing everything perfectly or not. He just desires that you to come to Him and ask Him to change these things in you. Your willingness is crucial, but if you don’t yet feeling willing, tell Him so, and ask Him to do it anyway. We cannot change on our own, and we cannot move forward without the Holy Spirit’s help. We must leave this up to Him who offers the acceptance.
There are 6 billion people on the face of this earth, and a lot less Christians than that. I do not know any of their hearts. They may be buying their hot drinks out of sincere desire for it, and they may be buying their clothing because they just want to be comfortable. I do not know, and may never know. But Adonai always knows, and He always wants you no matter what your heart is running after the fastest. He will always invite you back for another cup of His love, acceptance, and grace. He will always invite you back.
Now concerning the practices of different social parties, there are but two routes of action than can be taken when a new vogue, such as coffee, comes into play (If you are into this kind of thing). One can either reject the practice, saying, “No, we mustn’t associate ourselves with the fad taken on by this countering social group,” or the more annoying and slightly more characteristic, “Oh boy, let us do this too! But let us change it to fit our stereotype’s distinctions in order to remain diverse in society.” (What?) The latter seems to be more of the attitude when dealing with coffee, although it does come in many forms and fashions. For instance, you have the artists that along with the coffee connoisseur types, tends toward the espresso drinks that are alien to overpowering syrups and sweet flavoring. They most likely have their own personal espresso machines at home that they use after their dinner parties, but they still like to stop by to sit and read their novels. Then you have your southern American school kids that usually either prefer to drink the coffee-less cream drinks, or the weak joe driven by rich fruity syrup. Even still, there are the college-aged activists that will only drink fairly traded, organic, and decaffeinated coffee to please their scene of environmental wholeness and human rights. And there are of course, those who find it trendy and cool to have a long, drawn out, and unique order, such as, “I’d like one tall, double shot, white chocolate mocha, iced, with soymilk, decaf, extra milk froth, with raspberry, butterscotch, and cinnamon syrup topped with whipped cream, please,” ending with a gasp for breath and a look over the shoulder to see which of their friends were paying attention.
I would speculate that most people like coffee just fine, but that when one pays $4.00 for their Grande Soy Latte, they are also paying for the increase of acceptance in today’s culture, where coffee is the thing to drink. All the while, the people they desire to fit in with are doing the exact same thing, because although the enjoyment they get from their specialty coffee drink is real, they still wouldn’t be paying $4.00 every other day if everyone else thought it were stupid.
Is it possible that my words are a little exaggerated and far fetched? I would suppose so. Nonetheless, whether these simple accusations are accurate or not, I would retort the silliness of social performance any day. The fact is, as you may or may not have guessed, coffee has nothing to do with the real issue. We could analyze behaviors all day long, and we would get as far as doing only that. We would get as far as analyzing more behaviors, noting the silliness of them, and scheduling a meeting for the next discussion, and that would not solve anything. (It would, however, be fun to meet for these discussions were they held at coffee shops.)
The real issue is that a very low percentage of people in America have a clue about life. That’s right, I said hardly anyone has a clue about Life, the life of the true and living Messiah. We roam around our houses, workplaces, malls, and coffee shops just living life the best we can, trying to make money, make friends, fit in, and be good people. Even the churchgoers are scheduling their own agendas and dressing to impress. How can this be? Even people seeking Religious help and praying daily can’t make decisions without basing them off of what people will think? Excuse me, but I thought those who claimed Christianity were supposed to be living above these social standards in freedom and acceptance, but the followers of Christ are not living that way. Instead, we are fitting in with the rest of the coffee drinkers and social groups just like everyone else. It seems most people don’t think they have a choice. The thought never really comes to mind that this need of acceptance is something laced with insecurity that can be helped. I think most people believe it is just a part of life that we have to deal with. And that is true. We do have to deal with it, but we do not have to live with it.
The cool thing about Jesus is that he offers total acceptance and forgiveness. Most people reject this completely, others do their best to accept it, and some merely pretend to accept it. No matter which of these boats a man is in, the truth is that you can live in the acceptance that Jesus is offering you instead of just talking about it. No matter what social group you associate yourself with, the reasons you make your decisions, or how much you pay for coffee every week, He still offers it to you.
I once knew a girl that had a horrendous past that she couldn’t ever get over. (This has nothing to do with coffee.) She was very wounded from the way her Mother treated her, and the reality of her Father abandoning her. Years into her painful family venture, her over-worrying Grandparents obtained custody of her. Although she was walking into a much better atmosphere, her Grandmother would unknowingly reopen these wounds with pitying words and the sharing of stories about her past with other people. “Please pray for her,” she pleaded, over and over. She hurt so much for her granddaughter that her granddaughter was even more unable to deal with these wounds and accept Adonai’s love. However, the girl continued attending church and talking the talk, trying to make it seem like nothing ever happened to her, or maybe that she had accepted all of the things Jesus promised us. Other people’s words and actions affected her so, and she has never gotten over it.
Now, I find it appropriate to note that I judge no one for these mistakes, and that I know not your heart or motives. I simply know that these motives exist, though it is usually uncertain where they take residence. This Grandmother would have never wanted to hurt this beautiful child, and I do not believe for a second that she even realized she was doing it, but our mistakes are many times out of ignorance, and out of our own insecurities that we know nothing of. We go places, buy things, and drink things for reasons that we do not know. We think and we believe, and we do not always believe the right thing. Coffee is not the issue, but merely an example. It seems that our long orders, trendy drinks, and sophisticated hangouts aren’t really what they seem. Maybe we should take a second look at why we do what we do, and why we enjoy what we enjoy. It has proven to be worth it time and again.
I would like to note that I am not here to give you a step-by-step guide to ensuring your active belief in the truth of God’s acceptance. Many people try to do that, and there is no point to it, for I cannot instruct you to believe something, but can only present it before you. The idea that you are totally accepted, secure, and loved in Christ Jesus is quite frankly a large idea to grasp. Our identities have become so wound up in the opinions of imperfect humans, that we cannot even begin to function under the law of graceful acceptance without a lot of change. God’s acceptance of you is automatic, but your acceptance of His acceptance is often damaged by the way humans have affected you, what you have believed about those experiences, and really, a whole load of other things as well. It happened to the girl I knew, and it happens to many others. When your identity rests in your insecurities, your identity will be insecure.
When it comes down to placing your identity in the hands of God, there is no condemnation. He wants you to do it. He wants you to come and live freely in Him. Dismiss the thought that you are messing up and stop condemning yourself! God Himself does not expect perfection out of you. If His grace was not sufficient for all of our problems, then you would already be dead and in hell, but it is. His grace is sufficient, His acceptance is complete and pure, and He doesn’t mind your coffee breath. In fact, He very much enjoys your sincere enjoyment of coffee, and your time with friends, whether you are doing everything perfectly or not. He just desires that you to come to Him and ask Him to change these things in you. Your willingness is crucial, but if you don’t yet feeling willing, tell Him so, and ask Him to do it anyway. We cannot change on our own, and we cannot move forward without the Holy Spirit’s help. We must leave this up to Him who offers the acceptance.
There are 6 billion people on the face of this earth, and a lot less Christians than that. I do not know any of their hearts. They may be buying their hot drinks out of sincere desire for it, and they may be buying their clothing because they just want to be comfortable. I do not know, and may never know. But Adonai always knows, and He always wants you no matter what your heart is running after the fastest. He will always invite you back for another cup of His love, acceptance, and grace. He will always invite you back.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Ah, the Smell of Clean Laundry.
The time has come (the walrus said) for my mother and I to move. I realize that I have not mentioned this before now, but it has been in the works for a few months. We haven't been sure when it would take place, because of our odd living arrangements, already. We have lived in a camper for three years because the Lord said to. There have been many valuable lessons in it, and I am grateful for all of them. I am also grateful for a brand new mother; completely different from a few years back. She is one reason why processes like these are easier than they should be. Although, the LORD has His hand in it, and that is why.
About two months back, Ellel Ministries offered my mom a job as the Prayer Coordinater for the US headquarters they are starting. Ellel Ministries is based in the UK, and has grown over these past 20 years to having 14 centers all across the globe, the newest addition being Lithia, Florida, which is yet to have it's own center, but the land has been bought, and the plans are being drawn.
Lithia is a suburb of Tampa, Florida, and that is where we will be moving to. I am excited about being so close to the water, and it being hot all year. Although, I do like all of the seasons this world has to offer, and I don't like it hot for very long, but I suppose I am just looking forward to something different; a different atmosphere; the beachy atmosphere. It will be superb!
There is much to do, and a lot going on, at least it feels that way. And there is a lot of laundry to do, in order to pack it. I'd like to have wearable clothing when it gets out! Alright... I better be off to finish these things!
I will share more later.
About two months back, Ellel Ministries offered my mom a job as the Prayer Coordinater for the US headquarters they are starting. Ellel Ministries is based in the UK, and has grown over these past 20 years to having 14 centers all across the globe, the newest addition being Lithia, Florida, which is yet to have it's own center, but the land has been bought, and the plans are being drawn.
Lithia is a suburb of Tampa, Florida, and that is where we will be moving to. I am excited about being so close to the water, and it being hot all year. Although, I do like all of the seasons this world has to offer, and I don't like it hot for very long, but I suppose I am just looking forward to something different; a different atmosphere; the beachy atmosphere. It will be superb!
There is much to do, and a lot going on, at least it feels that way. And there is a lot of laundry to do, in order to pack it. I'd like to have wearable clothing when it gets out! Alright... I better be off to finish these things!
I will share more later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
